Wishing to let go
by Kaliwashere
Summary: Dreams are forever, a nice day in the park turned dark. A BECKDAM ONE-SHOT.


Becky sighed with content as she watched the two boys play with each other a few feet away. Adam soon picked up their son and tossed him in the air, causing her heart to stop for about point two seconds until he was safely caught and back in his father's arms. She felt herself let out a small breath of relief as they both trotted toward the swings, Adam pick up little Andrew and set him softly down into the seat.

Soon beginning to rock him back and forth slowly, Becky could hear the toddler chanting "Higher, daddy higher!" She couldn't stop the widening smile as his father quickly complied and pushed slightly harder, sending the child more upward into the air.

The family all decided that since the October air was crisp and welcoming, that they'd take a trip to the local park and hang around for a bit before ultimately having a picnic in the grass. Becky made sure to prepare everyone an individual sandwich before setting off on their little mini adventure. Adam had offered to help but she refused to let him, just in case he'd mess up some of the specifics on Andrews's sandwich since he was so picky. The blonde remembered to cut the crust, only use one piece of cheese, and to spread the meat accordingly, all little things that her husband would surely forget while rushing to leave.

Once they finally arrived at the park, she took her usual seat on the park bench near the slide and reached into her bag for the book she planned on reading. As if it was like a routine, Adam dashed off with his son towards the see saw and she began flipping the pages in her book. Now that they were already making their round on the swings, Becky knew that they'd soon be ready to eat lunch.

Gently pressing her tongue to her thumb before folding the corner of the page she was on and closing the book, the woman stood up from her less than comfortable seat on the bench and picked up her bag in the process. As she began setting up the picnic, lying down the cliché checkered blanket and such; she let thoughts of the past three years or so past through her mind. If she were being honest with herself, the happiest moment had to be when she and Adam had decided on insemination and finally began their family. Andrew was one of the best things that could've ever happened to her, if not the best.

He was the happiest three year old she'd ever met, and she could only guess why. Adam spoiled him rotten, always sneaking him candy, letting him stay up past his bed time and things like that. Thinking about actually being the stricter parent made her chuckle since she always saw herself as a light hearted person. But without a doubt, she was definitely the enforcer in the family. She always made decisions, directed both boys, and overall took care of them. Not that Adam couldn't take care of himself, but she liked to do it anyway, it made her feel needed.

While pulling out the various drinks she'd packed, Becky caught a quick glimpse of her wedding grin, unable to stop the sudden grin from forming on her face for the millionth time that day. It wasn't the snazziest thing in the world, it wasn't the shiniest, it didn't have the biggest diamond, but it was hers. It was the ring Adam bought her, the ring he worked so hard to pay for, the ring she refused to ever take off.

Glancing at the jewelry suddenly brought her back to memories of their wedding. The occasion was actually quite large, having people from both sides of their families flown in from different states made for a numerous amount of different guests. It was held at a church in Toronto and her father was actually the one to marry them. This was probably surprising all in its own, since they basically loathed the man way back when. However, after Adam's accident in high-school—which Becky rightfully hated thinking about, both Baker parents realized how much their daughter cared for Adam and began letting them see each other more, out of secret of course.

After those few thoughts passed through her mind, the blonde couldn't help but get stuck on the thought of Adam's accident. For some odd reason, she always got this eerie feeling when thinking about it. The accident was one of the worse things that had ever happened to them both, and possibly one of the best, too. When thinking about it with some hope, it really did bring them closer and it brought her parents to an understanding, but if she thought about it darkly, it had put her in some sort of remission for weeks. Never knowing if Adam would wake up, if he'd remember her, or if he'd remember anything was practically unbearable. And when he finally did wake, Becky felt immense relief; she was the first person he wanted to see, the first one he wanted to hug, and the first one he wanted to let know he was okay.

Feeling herself delve into darker thoughts of Adam being hurt, the woman shook her head wanting to be rid of them forever. Becky quickly began picking up the sandwiches out of the bag, trying to busy herself with something other than those thoughts, when she felt a pair of arms snaking around her waist, causing her to jolt slightly. "Adam Torres!" She exclaimed, gently turning around in his embrace giggling lightly despite herself. The only thing Adam could do was wear a devilish grin that went from ear to ear.

"What'd I do this time?" He asked defensively, with a small cock of the brow. Becky playfully hit his side before placing her arms over his shoulders and staring at him lovingly.

"You know what you did, don't play dumb, silly." The woman then softly tapped his nose before letting out a small laugh when his face scrunched under her touch.

He then leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, before feeling a small tug on his shorts. "Ew, daddy!" Andrew whined from below them. This caused the pair to chuckle softly then finally pull apart. The man scooped up Andrew in his arms and spun him around while Becky watched intently. "Let's get to eating, shall we?" She said, still hating to break up the cuteness going on before her. The two boys nodded in agreement considering they'd worked up a big appetite from playing the past few hours.

Lunch went by quicker than normal and Becky was left still eating long after the other two were done and off playing. A little while later, she felt herself leaning back on the blanket, folding her arms and tucking them beneath her head. She watched as Adam made his way over to her, and when he finally arrived, she glanced upward with confusion.

"Where's Andrew?" The blonde ask, wondering where the little tike went off to this time.

"He made some friends, they're all over there playing. I'd watch them, but the other parents got it taken care of." He assured, taking a second to slowly look over his should while pointing over that way.

Becky patted the spot next to her and Adam quickly took the hint, laying down beside her and propping himself up with his elbow. The woman then turned around and scooted back to her husband, the pulling his arms around her waist and leaning back into his embrace as she gently shut her eyes, letting herself succumb to the sleepiness that was overtaking her all of a sudden.

* * *

Soon everything was dark, Becky could feel familiar arms wrapped around her waist, but something was off. The air felt different, the ground beneath her felt softer, and she felt like she was in a more closed space than before. Her body soon shook involuntarily, causing her slumber to break and her eyes to open. She let out a breath of disappointment for having _that _dream again. The body behind her let go of their grip and leaned over to flick on the light switch.

"Hey, babe. Are you alright?" Her boyfriend of about a year, John, asked while tiredly rubbing his eyes. The woman shook her head and shamefully put her face in her hands, letting a tear or two slip past. That dream had been an unwanted recurrence over the years and it was becoming more and more frequent as of late. She didn't want to think of Adam, or what their future could've been like. She wanted to forget, forget him, forget his accident, and forget everything that reminded her of him, yet her brain wouldn't let her.

During the day she'd be fine, keeping herself occupied with work, family and such, but once sleep took over she was an absolute goner. That was the only time she had no control over her thoughts, and she woke up in a sweat from these dreams more than she'd ever care to admit. John had grown accustomed to his girlfriend's frequent freak outs, though she never told him what caused them. Not knowing what else to do, the man leaned over and pulled her into a short hug before pecking her cheek. Even though this happened often, he never figured out the correct way to handle it.

Caressing her arm softly, the man gave her a reassuring nudge, hoping to gain something out of her. "Do you want to talk about it or…?" John trailed off, knowing she'd surely deny his offer of discussion. She slowly lifted her head from her hands, pushing away any stray tears with her left hand and then calmly turned over to face the wall without a word. Gently, she adjusted herself into the bed, pulling John's arms over her waist. Maybe if she got lucky she could fall asleep and resume the dream where she left off, maybe she could pretend this man was Adam.

After twenty minutes or so, John was asleep again, lightly snoring. She knew sleep was impossible now that she'd already awoken, and snuck out of her boyfriend's embrace before sitting down on the edge of the bed and reaching over to her dresser. Her hand idly fiddled with the handle, not wanting to give in to the temptation pushing her. All she needed was a quick glance, a quick touch, and that's it. If she got what she was craving she'd be able to sleep again and hopefully throughout the rest of the night.

Finally gaining the strength or courage rather, the blonde pulled open the dresser revealing various miscellaneous items and such. Her hands pushed past all the junk, ultimately finding the object she'd been searching for. She squeezed the black beanie in her hands and then soon brought it up to her face. She found herself crying softly to the inanimate object, crying like it would actually have the answer to all her problems. Becky couldn't even recall how this item came to be in her possession, and to her dismay it long lost its scent of the boy who previously wore it. Either way, it comforted in dark times, times like this.

Not too much later, she placed a small kiss to the hat before glancing down at it in her hands then reluctantly placing it back in its secret place under all of her meaningless items. The woman lied back down, not sure what else she could do. Before being able to fall back asleep, she looked up to the ceiling and put her hand over her chest. "I love you, Adam Torres." Becky whispered upward, to the ceiling, to the sky, to the heavens, to _him_, to the boy she would always love. She then forced her eyes shut, pushing away in tears that were seeking release, praying to god that she'd be able to pick up where she left off during the dream.

* * *

_**A/N: And this depressing little one-shot marks my official return to this site! I hope you liked it, I hope you cried just a tad. Please comment and Review! Tell me what you want to see next and if this sated some of your beckdam needs. **_


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